Self-worth in a Situationship: The Weekend
I didn’t move to San Francisco to date. I actually came here to do the exact opposite of dating.
But, spending the first three months of my 2018 as the weekend gave me major insight into where my thoughts and feelings about love need to go.
When we date, relate or create situationships, we always want to take time to overthink or under-think what these relationships mean. When you find yourself equally or unequally sharing a friend, a lover or a significant other, you have a lot of questions. And, most of the time half of those questions aren’t for anyone but yourself.
This brings me to "The Weekend." The song really poses an overarching question: am I okay with continuing the cycle of underestimating my self-worth?
The beauty of Sza’s "The Weekend" lives in her second verse. It’s where she’s lost control of the situation because of her feelings. So, entwined in the situation, she’s given up her own sense of power... noting that if she was asked, she would eventually switch positions from the weekend to the weekday.
The only tragedy to this story: accepting the fact that she hasn’t only lost control of her feelings. But she’s lost control of the relationship because there will eventually be another weekend. She’s lost control of her ownership of the relationship and she’s lost control of herself. Which is something we all can relate to in one way or another.
As I’ve wrapped up my first situationship that I’ve had in a while. I realized that the only real problem was that I allowed myself to lose control.
Liking someone is never planned. It’s actually always random. There’s always a conversation or a glance or just even a touch. You can’t help it. As people, we’re inclined to fall for someone eventually. In fact, we fall for people because there’s a natural high you get from liking someone— and potentially falling in love. It’s just up to you to gauge the level of intensity and the speed at which you fall for someone.
At times it can be pretty simple, then there are times when it’s like solving an impossible math problem.
It took me three months to realize that I messed up. In the process, I let my feelings control the situation. The problem with being the weekend: your feelings only have a fraction of power in the grand scheme of the situationship.
Your feelings can be taken into account for, they can be understood, they can be respected. But, the reality of the situation, when you look at it through the magnifying glass... your feelings aren’t looked at the same way as the weekdays.
So, I guess the big ask is what did we learn from this? Let's break it down.
There’s nothing wrong with sharing your energy with someone. Giving someone a piece of yourself is what you’re supposed to do.
Never compromise your own rules for someone else.
Prioritize who you give your time and energy to. Sometimes you learn the hard way that not everyone deserves you.