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  • Writer's pictureHey Draughter

On Crushing: "The One"

Between one too many Tinder dates and those moments where you find yourself digging into past situationships, there’s a fine line between always wondering when you’ll meet the perfect person and genuinely letting love happen to you. Through experience, the latter is always more difficult. But there always seems to be the question of how do you really really know when love is in the air? Have I met the one?

Beyond vague feeling and emotion, this process really (and almost always) starts with you. Letting love happen to you isn’t just this grand notion of acceptance, but it’s you unequivocally understanding what love is. It’s you taking love and changing it from a noun to a verb. It’s you forming that connection with someone.

So how can you take one of the most elusive and most wanted things in the world and begin to make it tangible? 

  • You have to accept fear.

Love’s scary. It’s scary is because it’s the unknown. You’ll experience emotions and actions and reactions that you aren’t used to. That’s okay. The same way you learned how to swim or ride bikes or stand up to someone who scared the hell out of you is through trial and error. That’s the best kind of experience to get when dealing with love and the fear it creates. 

  • You gotta use your gut

Intuition is key. Whenever you lose something you search for it. But when you lose something, you generally have a vague idea of where you left it. When it comes to love, you’re essentially searching for something and you have no idea what it’s supposed to look like. You need your gut. The only thing I will say about intuition is that you can’t let it work too hard. It can often affect your drive. This is what leads us into overthinking and starting the love-search all over again... probably in a place you shouldn’t be looking. Your intuition is key. You’ll know when it’s right. Trust the feeling. Don’t let it pass you by. 

  • Let love develop organically and stop lookin’ all the damn time.

Lovers are like trees. In order for trees to plant roots and grow, they need space. Give your love some space. Let it breathe. It’s from a place of patience and appreciation. You can never fully comprehend something or appreciate it unless you let it take its time to develop on its own. Sometimes we wonder why we haven’t found someone yet. But maybe someone needs to find you. The best things happen when you don’t even expect them to. You also have to remind yourself to be willing to accept their invitation once they find you. 

  • You have to accept the fact that pain comes with love.

Love sucks. It sucks because it hurts. Bob Marley said it best, “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for." We always ask ourselves if this situationship will be different from the last. The thing about love is that the pain will always be there— even sometimes from past relationships. That shouldn’t jade your vision of love though, it should help you understand. It should help you realize what people can do, and you won’t be surprised if/when the hurt comes. Accepting the fact that you can’t have love without pain is like accepting the fact you need lemons to make lemonade. But, only you can decide the how sour you want your lemonade to be. 

  • You have to be a giver of love in order to receive it.

Love isn’t a 70:30 or an 80:20 sort of situation. You give what you get. So if you’re putting in 10% and expecting someone to front the 90% all the time. You should probably rethink what you want from that individual. But, more importantly, think about what you want from and for yourself. In order to really receive love, you have to give it in the same way. That’s the only way to find someone who can learn to love you the way you love you. 

So if you’ve ever been hurt really bad or if you’ve never really found someone that you’ve felt like is the one. Remember these five things. Be scared. Be nervous. It's natural. Give in a little bit. It’s not bad, especially if they wind up being the one…

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